Forgotten Memories
by Silver Clouds1
Summary: What do you do if you love someone but a part of you wants to kill them? Light Yagami had been handcuffed to the detective L for a while now and every night, he's been having the same nightmare. He never remembers any of it. Is he going crazy or is he just remembering horrible things from his past? Summary sucks sorry! T for now because I'm not sure where this could go.
1. Red Eyes and Nightmares

Light woke up screaming again, tears streaming down his face. He couldn't remember his dream but yet he still shook, he still trembled. He still felt terrified and for some reason and a bit guilty. His breath was quick and he almost struggled to breathe. This wasn't the first time he woke up like this.  
Light glanced around the room and although it was pitch dark, he could still see the detective sitting on the other bed that was merely a few feet away from his. Ryuzaki's laptop that sat next to him illuminated a weak glow around him.

L was staring at his friend with a look of concern displayed on his face. The only sound in the room was the slight rattling of chains. L and Light were handcuffed together and Light's shaking moved them ever so slightly. That soon changed when L finally spoke up filling the void of sound in their large seemly empty room.

"Light-kun?" he asked almost cautiously as he stood up from his bed "are you ok?" he questioned stepping closer to the younger man.  
Light closed his eyes and steadied his breath as he struggled to sound calm. He said the same exact thing he had said to L the few nights before "Just some stupid dream" he didn't go into much detail other than that mostly because he couldn't remember at all what he had dreamed about. Light kind of wanted to change the subject before L could ask another question.  
"Ryuzaki? Can I use the restroom?" he asked the man who he was handcuffed too. It almost felt as if he was asking permission but he had to. They had to do a lot of things together and sometimes it was strange. When Light had to take a shower or use the bathroom L would have to stand right outside the door and wait for him to come out.  
"Fine" L said as he began walking towards the small bathroom that was in their bedroom. Light followed close behind. When he got inside he closed the door almost as much as he could but the handcuffs got slightly in the way so the door was still open a crack. It didn't really bother Light though. He didn't come in there because he really had to 'use' the bathroom; he just wanted to try and clear his head. He turned the water on in the sink and splashed his face as if trying to wash away what was haunting his mind. However, whatever it was seemed to remain because Light still was feeling fearful of something.  
"I hope I'm not going insane" he whispered to no one but himself as he moved closer to the mirror over the sink to observe his reflection. He had dark circles under his eyes from his waking up like this every single night. They weren't nearly as bad as L's but they were still there. His hair was in a complete mess from just waking. Light backed away from the mirror a bit and messed with his hair. He smiled at his reflection; besides his tiredness he looked completely normal. He still felt strange though. That's how that dream always made him feel. He glanced down at himself and looked back at the mirror.  
He suddenly jumped back at his reflection but then cautiously walked towards it again. Light was completely shocked by what he saw. His reflection looked like him but the eyes were a deep shade of red and his face was displaying a devilish smirk. Light stared at his reflection confused and almost scared of himself. Was this Light looking at him though the mirror really him? Light moved back and forth but the reflection didn't; it still looked the same except for the blood red eyes that would follow Light closely.  
A small knock on the door diverted Light's attention. He could hear Ryuzaki's voice on the other side.

"You almost finished in there Light-kun?" He asked in his usual monotone voice.  
Light swallowed hard as he looked back at the mirror. When he realized it was his regular self staring back at him again, he sighed relieved.

"Yeah I'm done!" he screamed over to the detective sounding a bit shakened. He opened the door, walked back to his bed and laid down. L followed behind and sat down in his own bed the same way he always did; his knees to his chest. The detective grabbed his laptop and continued his work on the kira case; he had been doing that before Light had woken up. L never slept; he was insomniac. All he did now was work on the case day and night; he never stopped even as Light and the rest of the task force slept. That still didn't make much of a difference in their progress anyways though. The Kira case was still going nowhere since Light was taken out of confinement and no new leads were found. L still worked tirelessly as much as he could to bring Kira to justice even if it did seem hopeless. Light admired the detective for such commitment and perseverance. He obviously had a strong sense of justice just like him. That was one thing Light loved about L; that and his intelligence.  
Light hadn't noticed but he had been staring at Ryuzaki as he was typing and happily munching on forkfuls of the strawberry cake that sat on his bedside table. As he looked at the other man, he almost forgot about everything but he shook his head and looked away; the thoughts haunting his mind again.

Light turned slightly in his bed and struggled to fall back asleep. Sleep had failed to come though. It always had after these dreams. It was almost like Light was afraid to sleep; he was afraid to dream. He laid there awake the whole night just listening to the clicks of L's keyboard and the soft hum of the heaters in the room.


	2. No sleep

It was an extremely long night and when it finally was over, light was relieved. Now it was time to start the whole day and to go through the motions again. Light sighed as he stood from where he was lying in bed. He instantly lost his balance and almost fell over when L jumped out of his sitting position and managed to catch him in time.  
Light was obviously tired; he couldn't handle not sleeping like L could. He leaned against the other man almost completely asleep. L's voice brought Light awake again.  
"Light-kun, did you get any sleep after that nightmare?" They had been through this a few times but the other times weren't nearly as bad.  
All Light could do was nod; he wasn't going to lie to L about that. It was apparent anyways that he was exhausted.  
"But a quick Red Bull should fix it and I'll be able to work on the case" Light mumbled almost too quietly for him to even make any noise. Any normal person wouldn't have gotten a word of what he just had said but L obviously wasn't normal.  
"No Light-kun" L was worried about Light. He didn't want him to pass out and hurt himself because he got less and less sleep each night. L never really cared about anyone else that way. If it had been someone else on the task force, he would have forced them away from sleep. If he could survive without sleep, there's no reason others shouldn't be able to but with Light he didn't think that way.

"But Ryuzaki" Light whined "I need to help you guys catch Kira and I can't sleep anyways. I tried to all night and couldn't. " the younger man managed to say as he struggled to keep his eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time. His fear still kept him up even though he was still kind of trying to sleep.

"hmm?" L thought for a second trying to find a solution to the problem when it instantly clicked in his mind. Throughout L's whole life, he was insomniac and Watari would always get various types of sleeping pills to try to help the detective sleep. However none of them actually did work for him but maybe one could help Light. He put an arm around the younger man and supported him as they both walked to the bathroom; light was actually more or less being dragged by the detective. L went into the bathroom and looked through the medicine cabinets for what he was searching for. When he found some of the sleeping pills, he handed one of them to his friend who was so desperate for a comfortable rest that he took it without question.

Soon Light had fallen asleep; L picked him up, carried him to his bed and laid him down. Before L could get back to his own bed, the handcuff chain was yanked by Light as he slept causing L to practically fall forward onto the bed right next to Light; where he was suddenly trapped by a sudden embrace. He tried getting out of the hold but Light only would hold him tighter.  
"Uh? Light-kun?" He asked still trying to get away but he knew it was no use. Those were pretty strong sleeping pills; Light wouldn't be waking up for a while so that meant L would have to get comfortable.

At first it felt totally awkward for L to have been lying next to Light like this but soon it felt pretty nice for some strange reason. L wrapped his arms around the other man and allowed himself to relax. Slowly, his eyes began to close shut and for the first time in a while the detective had actually fallen asleep.


	3. Interrogation

L's slumber did not last for long before he heard crying coming from right next to him. The detective had woken up and noticed Light had obviously been having another nightmare again. His arms were still locked around the detective. L could feel Light's shivering and could see the tears stream down his friend's face. L looked down at the man in his arms trying to think of a way to calm him. He wrapped his arms around Light slightly tighter and it seemed to help a little bit. Light's breathing steadied a bit but he still was tense and was still shivering as he slept.  
"Light-kun" L whispered knowing he couldn't wake up his friend anyways no matter how much he tried; Light was dead asleep.

"Light" Ryuzaki whispered again. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.  
L barely made out what Light had mumbled but he said something, something that shocked L and at the same time didn't surprise him.  
"I'm not a murderer. I don't want to be a murderer. I don't want to hurt anyone" is what he repeated from then on in his sleep. L had a feeling he was talking about being Kira; he was 97% sure but he still needed to ask more questions of Light.  
"What's making you a murderer Light-kun?" L asked trying to press on this even further.

"Notebook" is what Light seemed to have said but L couldn't be 100% certain; it was difficult to make out what the college student mumbled as he slept. Was he referring to that message the second kira sent about showing notebooks to each other or did L simply mishear?

"Are you Kira Light Yagami?" L asked that question about a million times now but this was the only time he expected to get any kind of true answer; maybe he would even get the confession he hoped for. However there was none. Light just repeated what he had said earlier.

"I'm not a murderer. I don't want to be a murderer. I don't want to hurt anyone" he just mumbled again.

"I'm not a bad person" Light cried.  
"Are you sure Yagami-kun?" L questioned the man suspected of being kira.

"I don't know" Light answered back to L's question before he slowly let go of the detective and turned in the bed. L still managed to keep his arms around Light even as he moved and he had no intention of letting go of Light just yet. For one thing, he felt right like this and another thing was he could try to get more answers from Light as he slept.  
"Do you think you could have been kira without having remembered Light-kun?" L asked the sleeping man. It was farfetched that someone could kill so many people and have no memory of it but L still saw it as a 7% chance possibility. Just like his last question about him being Kira, he had not gotten a real answer.  
"I'm not a murderer. I don't want to be a murderer. I don't want to hurt anyone" is all he said in response even to the numerous questions L had asked of Light. Eventually without getting any helpful information from Light anymore, L decided to just leave the other man alone and to just let him sleep as peacefully as he could. L felt kind of guilty for having Light answer these questions in his sleep. It was kind of like taking advantage of the younger man but he brushed it off. It was to help in the Kira case so it was justified. L had gotten a new lead; this could take the case somewhere.


	4. New Leads

L tried comforting his friend but whatever he did didn't make much of a difference. Light was afraid until he had woken up, then he had seemed terrified. Light looked over at L.  
"What are you doing in my bed Ryuzaki?" he stuttered trying to get his words through his unknown fears.  
L felt warmth rush to his cheeks; he couldn't explain either reason why. He didn't know why he felt so embarrassed about liking Light's company next to him and he didn't want Light to know he was interrogating him as he slept. L did manage to tell one truth though.  
"I laid down next to you because you were having that nightmare again. I tried waking you but it didn't work and you looked like you needed comfort" he said causally like it was no big deal. "That's what friends do for each other" he said sitting up.  
"Oh. Thank you Ryuzakl" Light smiled at his friend before getting up and heading towards the bathroom once again. L followed behind until Light had went inside and shut the door behind him.

The task force probably wondered where they were but Light wasn't even concerned about that, he was more concerned about going crazy. Light stared deeply into the mirror almost willing for it to change like it had done the day before. The only him that looked back was the one with the messy bed head hair and sleepy brown colored eyes. Light waited for what seemed like an eternity before he decided to give up. His reflection didn't change one bit.

Light grabbed his comb and quickly styled his hair and soon he was out of the bathroom. He sighed and walked towards the main room of the Task Force Headquarters. L followed close behind. They needed to start working on the Kira case. The second they walked into the room, they were bombarded with millions of questions from the rest of the force.  
"Where were you two?" everyone in the room asked of them.  
Light had no idea what to say but he knew he had to come up with some kind of lie. He thought for a while, he couldn't think clearly when he was still tired.

"We just overslept! No big deal!" L said as he sat down at his desk as he always did.  
Everyone was shocked at L especially Watari; they all knew he didn't sleep. The only one to ask about it however was Matsuda.  
"I thought you didn't sleep though Ryuzaki! What happened?" he asked curiously.

L just shrugged in response. He did know what got him to sleep; it was lying next to Light. Usually his mind moved a million miles a minute; that's why he can't ever sleep but while next to Light, it all went blank. He couldn't really explain what it was.  
They worked on the Kira case for the rest of the day. L went off the lead Light had given him in his sleep and Light simply looked at the latest heart attack victims. Most of them were still criminals but he noticed that some of them weren't and they weren't the kinds of people Kira would kill. Light had no way to know for sure but his gut feeling told him it was true. He looked into it and saw some of them were higher level business people; this could be the lead they were looking for.  
L was also discovering new things as well. The more he thought about his theory, the more it made sense. When Light was put into confinement, the killings stopped but soon the killings continued right around the time Light's attitude changed completely about being in confinement. What if the power of killing passed on from person to person and so when Light was caught, the power moved from him to someone else? It would make sense and what if Light simply didn't remember anything about being Kira? His dreams linked into this perfectly. Light was obviously dreaming about being Kira and his pure self can't handle knowing who he used to be. L smiled, he also had his new lead.


	5. The Date

They had been working on the case the whole day. Light told the others what he had found and for the rest of the day, they all investigated that except for L. L was more or less investigating Light but at times he would help the others.  
Light was too focused typing and searching for various things on the computer that he didn't hear a certain blonde enter the room. He didn't notice Misa Misa until she had thrown her arms around Light extremely tightly. He tensed up and looked back at her.  
"Light! We've been spending like no time together!" she complained. "We should go on a date even if that pervert is with us" she stuck a cold glare at L who was so busy on the computer that he failed to notice her and even if he had, he wouldn't even had cared.  
Light sighed and turned around to face Misa. She slowly and almost reluctantly let go of him so he could move.  
"I'm sorry Misa but we need to work on the case! We can't waste any time!" the brown haired college student said partly telling the truth and partly just not wanting to go a date with her. She was obsessed with Light but he failed to have the same feelings for her. She just plainly annoyed him most of the time. Light knew she wasn't the one for him but he didn't have the heart to tell her either. He hated hurting anyone except maybe if they deserved it...no; he changed his mind, not even then.  
Misa pouted, "you think hanging out with me is a waste of time!? I'm your girlfriend! You should care more about me than this stupid case!" she yelled angrily gaining the attention of the raven haired detective who looked over to see what the commotion was all about.  
"Misa, it's not that! It's just that the Kira case is important! We can't let a serial killer run lose not after the trouble it's caused both of us!" Light said trying to convince the dumb witted blonde. That was just one of the reasons he couldn't see her with him. He really wanted to be with someone smarter; someone on his own level. That was probably a lot to ask though because there were few people as smart as him.  
"I just want to go on a date Light and if you say no again, I'll just keep bugging you!" she yelled back because she didn't really have any reasonable reason that would justify her side of things. She grabbed his arm and tried to drag the college student out of his chair. Light however wouldn't budge. There was no way he was going to ignore the case just to go on a date with her.  
"Come on Light!" She whined as she pulled his arm harder almost actually sending Light and L out of their chairs.  
"Misa! I already told you, I don't have time to waste! We need to work on the Kira case!" Light said for the seemly hundredth time. L watched the fight between the two as it was some kind of drama television show but eventually he but in between the two.  
"Light is obviously right here" he pointed out causing Misa to groan annoyed and Light to smile victoriously.  
"Of course, I'm right!" Light said smiling at L for actually agreeing with him. L still had more to say though.  
"However" L went on. "It wouldn't hurt if we had a little break and besides I really don't want Misa to bother us when we're trying to work" he said looking over annoyed at the blonde.  
"Hooray!" Misa cheered. She hugged L as hard as she could and gave him a little kiss on the cheek. "Thank you! Thank you!" she squeaked. L looked shocked and touched his cheek where she had kissed him. She went over to Light and attempted to give him a passionate kiss but he tried his head causing her to just kiss his cheek too.  
Light sighed. Working on the Kira case was better than spending time with Misa.  
"When are we going to have this date?" Light asked interrupting Misa's cheering and dancing around.  
"Right now" L responded as he got up from his chair. "We'll have it in Misa's room" he explained. Light stood and stood next L.  
"Let's watch a movie!" Misa said excitedly as she moved closer to Light again. She hugged his arm and despite his disdain; she rubbed her head affectionately against him causing him to flinch. "We can watch a romantic movie together!" she said grabbing Light's hand and leading them both to the elevator. Light reluctantly followed and L came up behind him. Once they stepped inside the elevator, Misa clutched to Light even tighter and occasionally gave L mean glares. The detective was so busy in his thoughts that he didn't see the blonde's looks of hatred.

As soon as the elevator came to a stop, Misa ran into her room and choose her absolute favorite movie for them to watch, Twilight. Light looked at her annoyed, she wanted to watch the worst movie in the history of movies. He was about to speak up when L did for him.  
"I thought this was a date, not one hour and thirty minutes of torture" L commented as soon as he had seen the movie she chose. He's seen it once before out of curiosity and Light had seen it because of his younger sister Sayu being obsessed with it. Neither of them wanted to see it now.  
Misa gave L a hard glare, "It's not YOUR date!" She protested. She then looked over at Light Hopefully, "We can watch this right Light?" she gave him an almost puppy dog face. "You might benefit later on" she winked as she had gotten closer to Light; too close for comfort. Light backed slightly away from her and rubbed the back of his head.  
"No!" he said to Misa's surprise.  
"What!?" she exclaimed at Light.  
L had a look of victory on his face. "Ha! That's two against one or can you not count that?" he said mockingly.  
Misa crossed her armed and growled at L. "Fine then! I'll go find something else to watch!" she went back to her movies and looked through them all for what seemed like forever. When she finally did pick another movie, it wasn't ideally what L or Light wanted to watch but it wasn't as bad as Twilight.  
"The Notebook?" L questioned swiping it from her and observing the cover. He had never seen the movie before then so he was mildly curious.  
"Ok" the detective agreed not to enthuse about it but not too opposed.  
Light sighed, at least it wasn't Twilight. "Fine, we'll watch it" he gave in. Misa jumped up and down and forced Light and L who was still handcuffed to him over to the couch. Misa went up to the TV to put the movie in. She couldn't really figure out how it worked though.  
Light sat down on the end of the sofa and L took the only place next to him; sitting like he usually did. He didn't know why, something just told him to sit there next to Light.

Light wasn't even paying attention, he was just thinking about the Kira case. He had a million thoughts going through his mind. Was he really Kira? Is that why his reflection was so strange? Is that why he had nightmares?  
Finally Misa figured out how to turn the movie on. She turned around and noticed that L was sitting next to Light like that. She cleared her throat obnoxiously trying to gain the detective's attention. It didn't work; he was more focused on playing footsie with himself.

"Um excuse me!" she practically yelled at him when he failed to pay attention to her. L finally looked up and at her.  
"Yes?" he questioned innocently.  
"Um? I should sit next to MY boyfriend!" she protested.  
L didn't say anything, he just held up the chain that was connecting Light and him in an attempt to use that as an excuse. He dangled it between them. Truth was, it wasn't a real reason; she could still sit in between them. L hoped that she wouldn't be smart enough to notice because a part of him wanted to sit by Light.  
"You can move over!" she whined as she tried pushing the detective out of where he was sitting. Eventually he sighed and moved over for her. He was mildly disappointed though and he had no idea why.  
"Hmph!" she said down next to her 'boyfriend' and hugged him tightly. Light looked over at her, an uncomfortable look on his face. Misa however was too oblivious to notice.  
L made sure to call Watari to bring him some sweets and the couple some popcorn so they'd all have snacks for their movie. As soon as he brought them up L pushed play and they all watched.  
Misa was practically attached to Light the entire time because she was holding him so tightly.

Once the movie was over, Misa was sitting on Light's lap cuddling him.  
"Um? Yeah, it's over" Light said uncomfortably as he tried to get her off him; she wouldn't move though. When L looked over at the couple, something stung in the pit of his stomach. Part of him hated seeing them like this. He knew that Light didn't really feel anything towards Misa but why would he care; that was Light's problem not his.  
He shook his head and quickly stood up. This caused Misa to fall off Light's lap and forced Light to stand up. Misa glared at L who just simply shrugged in response. Light's first instinct was to help Misa up.  
"Are you ok Misa Misa?" Light asked the blonde headed girl. She reluctantly nodded in response and once again glared at L.  
"It's not his fault Misa, he probably just forgot about the handcuffs" Light explained.  
Misa still was glaring at L though. It wasn't true, L did remember the handcuffs. He actually didn't know why he did that to Misa but it made him laugh inside. He tried not to smile.


End file.
